Ending a Chapter
My royal blue gown and white cord hang in my closet, ready to be worn, as I prepare for my eagerly anticipated graduation pictures later this week. It is such a bittersweet, surreal sight. All my hard work is finally paying off. It is hard to believe I will be graduating college in less than a month. On May 6th at 9 am I will walk across the stage at Rupp Arena and receive my degree in Public Relations. What will I do with that degree is the question.
This time in my life is so stressful that I had to sit down and write about it. I am sure one day I will look back and say the same thing everyone else is telling me now, “You’ll figure it out!” I literally have no idea what I want to do. I do know that I love to write (hence this blog) and love the outdoors. If I could combine the two somehow, I would be set. The problem is is figuring out what exactly that is.
It seems like everyone else has it all figured out. I envy those majoring in fields where the path is set for them. This is the first time in my life where I am entering a new chapter with no direction. You know, like after middle school you went off to high school for four years, then off to college for four years. Well, now those four years of college are over. So now what? I wish God would just slip me a little sticky note with my calling on it.
Honestly, it is hard to stay optimistic. I am mentally bracing myself for life after college. It seems like there is always a conversation about the transition from high school to college being difficult. Are you kidding me? The transition from college to actual adulthood will be the toughest.
Being in a relationship during this time is a little nerve-racking too. Two partners trying to figure out what to do with their degree and where that might lead them. Of course you support whatever their decision is but you will be somewhat effected.
My plan is to stay in Lexington for another year or so. Feel out the industry and see if it’s something I want to stick around in and if not, go from there. After establishing some money and experience, I am going to live out my dream of moving out west. What once was a dream has now become part of my plan. The closer graduation comes the more set I am with this decision. My family won’t be keen on it at all but it’s a dream of mine. I am young, unmarried and not having kids for a while, so why not? Life is too short to live in the same place, especially when places like Utah, Colorado, California and Montana exist.
I am ready to bid my farewell to the University of Kentucky. These past four years have been the best years of my life. It seems like all I did was blink and it was over. I can close my eyes and chronologically run through every memory like it was yesterday. As I drive around campus and pass familiar spots, I am immediately taken back to a vivid memory, as if I am watching a movie of myself.
Just the other day I had to park near Woodland Glen IV, my old dorm, and was hit with a wave of memories associated with that place. Like the time I rented a bike from our tailgate to my dorm because I forgot my I.D. for the football game freshman year. I was wearing a gray Free People sweater dress, biked in my long socks, and put my knee-high boots into the handlebar basket. It was quite the sight, especially for the cops I passed. What was an embarrassing moment is now a core memory I’ll never forget.
This last semester has been a real struggle. I have been so busy it seems I cannot catch my breath. It is hard to find time to relax and when I do have some downtime, I just want to watch Netflix or take a bubble bath but I know I need to be searching the Internet for jobs, which dampens my mood and gives me anxiety.
At this point I am mentally done and I have never felt this way in my seven previous semesters at UK. I am completely burned out on school. That’s what we used to call “senioritis” in high school and boy, has that word ever been more accurate.
Don’t get me wrong I am excited for this new chapter of life. I am ready for a new path, a new adventure. This next chapter is filled with even greater milestones, like getting married! I don’t have plans for that anytime soon but just the thought that things like that happen in this next stage of life is crazy. I pray to God for strength and a whole lot of guidance as I end this chapter and enter the next.