Along for the Ride
Here’s a little life update. I turned 23 a couple of months ago. What a bland age. I don’t feel 23. I still feel like I am 17 years old. I am old enough to be married… and have a kid. My mom often tells me how she was married, had a baby and was a full-time nurse at my age. That is insane to think. I don’t put too much pressure on myself because that was a different time and society back then. I feel way too young to have a kid right now. I can barely take care of myself.
Spring is in full bloom here in Kentucky. The warm weather and sunshine has brought life back into my soul. I honestly believe I had a little bit of seasonal depression this past winter. Our winter wasn’t bad but it was just cold and gray for months. It was as if the weather sucked the life out of me. I couldn’t get into a routine, I had no motivation to workout and cried often. It felt never ending. I used to not be a fan of spring until recently. Spring in Kentucky means horse racing at Keeneland, which is my favorite pastime during April and October. Dresses, drinks, tailgates, horses and bets have my name written all over it. Spring also means summer is just around the corner! Evan and I have so many plans. I am so excited.
Sometimes it will randomly hit me that I completed college. Those 4 years were such a blur. I sit here and long for the days of my senior year, when Evan just lived down the road and we basically stayed with each other every night. God, life was so good. I took it for granted. If you are in college and reading this, please don’t take any second for granted. Not even a random Tuesday night. Because pretty soon your life will change and you will forever long for those moments. It makes me want to tear up as a type this.
It is especially weird passing by spots in town or on campus that bring me back to a vivid memory taken place there during undergrad. Stagger Inn, a bar I went to every Thursday and Saturday night, is now just another building I pass on my way home from work. I pass State Street and try not to even look down it because it is way too depressing.
Around this time last year I was finishing up my senior portfolio, interning at a non-profit and spiffing up my resume with my fancy new headshot to send to employers, hoping to land an interview. Little did I know that a year later I would be preparing for nursing school. I wish I could tell old me that all of that was a waste of time but then it wouldn't have led me to where I am today. I believe I was meant to finish my degree and go through the hardship I did last year to realize I am meant to be a nurse.
Right now I am finishing up my last prerequisite course, Anatomy and Physiology. The lecture and lab is back-to-back every Thursday night. The content is difficult and lengthy. Pretty much any downtime I have, I am either studying or doing homework. The glorious part about only taking 1 class, is I can totally focus on it. With undergrad, I was taking multiple classes with lots of distractions. Distractions like what my plans were the upcoming weekend, when I was going to see my boyfriend next, errands (AKA going to the mall). Now all I do is go to class, work and exercise. I honestly can’t complain. I am happy with the outcome of things and excited for nursing school to start.
So far, 2023 has not been emotionally easy for me. I recently lost my grandmother, my dad’s mom. This all happened the beginning of March. We were expecting it but when it happened, it was sudden. She was very sick. Luckily, I think she accepted her fate and made peace with it. I think she was ready to be in Heaven with my Papaw Fred. It was pretty rough for me. I have never lost anyone I was really close with. And we were close. We talked on the phone weekly and texted almost daily. Now that’s gone.
My grandmother was a unique woman. Sometimes she could be difficult. One thing about her was she absolutely loved me. I loved her. I miss her. We had many memories made down in Elizabethton, Tennessee where she lived a good portion of my life. She loved retelling stories about things I did as a child. She would laugh just as hard retelling the stories as she did the day it happened. Like the time I thought the Easter Bunny stole my papaw.
Many things remind me of her. Elvis Presley, crystal pickles, Waldorf salad, Morgan Wallen lyrics about eastern Tennessee, bluegrass music, gold jewelry. She was an Appalachian spit-fire. I hope I hold that same fire she had throughout the rest of my life.
I was very sad initially, as anyone would be. I eventually made peace with it because I knew she was no longer suffering and that I would have a great guardian angel. It is crazy how quickly your normal can change and a new normal can begin. And my new normal exists without my grandmother in it. I pray to her as if it is a phone call like any other. I know she is up in Heaven watching over me and it allows me to continue living and enjoying life, just as she would want me to.
I think 2023 is meant for change. As was 2022. A big change happening soon is I am moving! My parents found an apartment on the outskirts of town with 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. I am likely to move in near the end of summer. I am excited for my new home but sad to leave my current. This little studio of mine has been perfect the past few years. But, it is time for a bigger place for me and Spook. The apartment complex is on Richmond Road, on a lake. And if you know me, you know I love any body of water. The HOA allows kayaks and even little boats with a trolley motor. I can just picture myself this summer out on the lake in my kayak, High Noon in hand, enjoying the sunset after class.
After living in the apartment for a couple of years, at least till I graduate from Midway, I think I will be ready to move. I know I have written about how I want to move out west but I have expanded my list.
I am still in favor of living out west. I long for the mountain lifestyle where I can ski, hike and mountainbike at my leisure, but I am also interested in South Carolina. Recently, my best friend Nicole was accepted into PT school in Charleston. This news made me think about living there instead of Colorado or Utah. I absolutely love the North and South Carolina coast. I have never been to Charleston (I plan to visit Nicole soon) but can imagine myself falling in love with it. There is just something so mesmerizing about the South. I love southern hospitality and tradition. I know I would not experience culture shock, unlike out west. I would love to live close to the beach and my family wouldn’t be too far away either.
I have plenty of time to plan for that chapter of my life. A lot can happen between now and then. Who knows what God has in store for me. I am just along for the ride.